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Stop A Bully Assert Yourself

Assertiveness training encourages techniques such as "the broken record" where you repeat one simple phrase over and over as a way of not being distracted from the real issue and maintaining a position of power and strength.It may be as simple as saying, "stop it" or "i refuse to waste my time and get into this with you." janet suggests that you rehearse your statements of strength in the mirror until they become second nature.You might also learn a few diffusion statements where you change the direction of the dialogue with distraction.In the middle of an attack, handing someone a compliment can easily disrupt the harassment and turn adversity into an alliance with the offender.Your body doesn't lie so check your body languages such as your posture and eye contact.Do you appear confident (even if you are shaking in your boots)? if your volume and tone of voice is wimpy and weak, you are not portraying the confidence necessary to ward off mean-spirited folks.Again, the martial arts is not only a method of self-defense, but confidence building as well.It is easier to feel confident when we feel safe.Be who you are: everyone else is taken walking with friends and having a strong support system provides another line of defense.If it is difficult for you to meet other and make friends, join clubs where you can explore similar interests.If you're a "brain," don't try to be a jock.Win the chess tournament instead.It is difficult to be confident without competence.We all have a special gift, a unique talent.It is your responsibility to identify it, develop it and embrace it with joy.Be who you are.Everybody else has been taken.Unless there is a serious risk of being harmed, it is best not to fight back but to report the incident and solicit help.Unfortunately, most kids who are bullied fear that by reporting the incident they will face greater retaliation.Janet encourages awareness and understanding knowing that most bullies were first bullied themselves and are troubled and struggling as well.She raises the awareness of the bully to better understand how he may be sabotaging his own dreams and then suggests more positive alternatives to meet the need for power and respect.By creating fun, competitive group activities, the students are engaged and involved with lively interactive discussions.An important question to increase compassion is asking, "how would you feel if." that sentence is then complete with various scenarios such as, "how would you feel if your brother committed suicide because of being bullied." forgiveness is freedom forgiveness is encouraged so one's energies are freed up for more creative learning.Hanging onto anger never releases you from the problem.Janet has been severely abused by her angry partner, a vietnam veteran who had unfortunately become a victim of wars' violent ways.Her understanding and forgiveness helped her heal.Understanding increases awareness.Acceptance is condoning the aggression which is not a healthy choice.As on occupational therapist, we would have to spend days getting around campus in a wheelchair to better understand our patients with physical disabilities.I would highly recommend such activities in our schools as a way of increasing an awareness of the struggles of others.You must get kids out of their own ego and the "me syndrome" to better understand and respect others.Our society more recently has fallen short in teaching this lesson.With many exceptions such as your grandchildren and mine, we have tolerated and thus supported a narcissistic society that is obsessed with taking care of "me" and the self.We must transform the attitude of arrogance to acceptance, and entitlement to empowerment.( this may be my next book!) self defense and the martial arts although i am not a black belt or any belt, i am a strong believer in the martial arts as it is a great method of prevention.It not only offers personal self-defense, but the philosophy and psychology of the various schools offer lessons that can positively channel the energies of a potential bully into a powerful leader.The learned discipline and confidence creates a sense of mastery that prevents being targeted as a victim.As you may recall, courtney mentioned that her life began to change when she enrolled in an aikido class.Judo and karate are also martial arts programs i would highly recommend.Home court advantage: how parents can help bobbi deporter, the president of qln (quantum learning network), shared a few insights on how parents can grow a closer connection to their teens by developing a "home court advantage." we hear of a home court advantage in sports, where the home team enjoys an edge as it feeds off the support of its fans.In families, the home court advantage helps teens reduce stress, cope with challenges and actually feel good about their life.In addition, it strengthens the parent-teen relationship to the point where the teen will confide in his parents during times of trouble.Building a home court advantage is a long-term process; it's not a quick fix.The trust and the connection must grow over time.Here are four key steps in how to do it.1.Listen more/talk less if there is a lack of communication in your home, the situation won't improve by trying to force it.In general, be ready with your ears when your teen does decide to open up, even if it's to share simple news.One great place to engage your teen is when you're driving in the car together.When you are sitting beside each other in the front seat of the car, you're facing forward.With both of you looking straight ahead, you've created a non-confrontational setting, in which a conversation can start and flow more easily.Also, whether it's in the car or somewhere else, when your teen is sharing some news, it helps to encourage more dialogue by saying, "tell me more." this simple request gives your teen an indication that you're interested in what they're saying.At the same time, it's completely non-judgmental; you're not offering an opinion on what way just said.2.Ask.Don't tell do you like to talk with people who don't understand you? of course you don't.Teens are the same way.Often when parents attempt to provide heartfelt advice, even with the best of intentions, teens will perceive it as a "lecture" and automatically shut down the communication process.Asking a question, on the other hand, will generate a response and lead to a dialogue.A question, particularly one that requires more than a yes or no answer, engages the brain.It's a classic technique in sales that is used to learn more about the prospective buyer and to build rapport.And it's something that works well in families with teens, as well.Asking more and telling less also gives parents a better opportunity to learn what pressures their teens may be under.Whether it's bullying, relationships, grades, or something else, the information more likely will come to light by asking simple, non probing questions.3.Share your values; discover your teen's it's easy for parents to think that their kids know what values the family stands for.After all, they're part of the family.But it's best not to assume that they're either focused or clear on your family's values.So have a casual conversation, perhaps at the dinner table, where you discuss what values your family stands for.Ask your teens what their values are.If they need time to think about it, suggest revisiting the topic at dinner in a day or two.Once you've had this conversation, encourage your teen to seek out others in school with like values.By being part of a group, a teen is less susceptible to being bullied.And by being part of a group of like-minded teens who share common values and interests, an individual is less likely to be ostracized.4.Build authentic bridges to your teen the prime directive in our summer enrichment programs is "theirs to ours, ours to theirs." what this means is in order for our staff to teach the students who attend supercamp, first they must enter the kids' world.In other words, our staff must connect with the kids, which gives them permission to teach.This strategy applies to building a home court advantage as well.Parents can begin to build a bridge by showing a sincere interest in a hobby or passion of their teen.It doesn't matter if it's a sport, in the arts, or creating video game software; if there is interest on the parents' part, the teen feels good.Parents can further strengthen this bridge by participating in the hobby/activity with the teen, as appropriate.Finally, a third level in building the bridge using this strategy is to let the teen become the "teacher" by showing the parent how to do something that the teen is good at.Creating a meaningful connection with your teen takes time.But it's an excellent investment on your part.It will ensure that a sufficient level of trust is present, so that if your teen faces a personal crisis, such as being bullied, he or she will want to come to you for advice and support.

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